When a young woman at the turn of the century discerned a vocation to the Carmelite order, she was in for a rigorous test of her strength.

Novices were given a tunic of brown linen, a rigid collar, baggy woolen stockings and a stiff coif to cover the head. Underwear and hankies were not part of the set-up, nor was a toothbrush and soap. They were expected to sleep fully clothed (including the collar). The bedpan was shared by several women, and changed only twice weekly by penitents. Menstruation was managed with strips of linen, secured with a string, but washing the area was strictly forbidden. A ceremonial washing of the feet (no higher than the ankles) occurred monthly. Food was vegetarian, and portions small. The penitential practices of flagellation and even applying hot grease to make one’s breasts flaccid were added to the regimen in some monasteries.

Unsurprisingly, young Therese Martin’s desire to join the Carmelites in Lisieux, France was discouraged. She prevailed in 1888 – at the tender age of fifteen. Although she survived an influenza outbreak in 1891, she contracted tuberculosis and died in 1897. Against this backdrop of filth and faith, St. Therese left a testimony of her “little way”, The Story of a Soul. (The quotes below can be found in that book.)

Therese described her desires for penance to ransom souls like this:

“And above all I wished to be a martyr! Martyrdom! It was my youthful dream, and in the little Carmelite cell this dream grew in inner strength. I don’t long for only one kind of torment. I long for them all. Like you, my divine bridegroom, I would like to be whipped and crucified.... Like St. Bartholomew I would like to be flayed, to be plunged into boiling oil with St. John, to be torn by the teeth of wild beasts like St. Ignatius of Antioch, so that I could be found worthy bread for God. With St. Agnes and St. Cecilia, I wished to offer my neck to the executioner and with Joan of Arc to whisper the name of Jesus while burning at the stake.”

But, then, she shows us why she is considered today a doctor of the Church. Struggling to understand how she could suffer so much from the austerity of her surroundings, and yet hold such missionary desires in her heart, she found the answer:

“O Jesus, my love…my vocation... I have found it…My vocation is LOVE!…I shall be love within the Church. Thus, I shall be everything, and thus my dream shall be realized.”

Penitential practices need not include blood nor searing pain to be worthy of the Lamb. Therese sought the sisters who irritated her the most, and offered them her nicest smile, and small sacrifices such as the place in front of her in line. When someone spoke ill of her, she swallowed her retort. When in the laundry, a sister rinsing the used linen strips kept sprinkling her with the bloody water. She resolved to try to enjoy it when she found she could not ignore unwanted shower.

Now, there is a danger in penance, especially for those who try it based on their own strength. Therese loved Jesus, and felt He did all of her penance:

“I said to myself: God cannot inspire unrealizable desires. I can…aspire to holiness...But I want to seek out a means of going to heaven by a little way…I wanted to find an elevator that would raise me to Jesus, for I am too small to climb the rough stairway of perfection…The elevator which must raise me to heaven is Your arms, O Jesus!...I had to remain little, and this more and more.”
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Juxtaposing the filth of the monastery with her ardent zeal for souls, Therese is a puzzle for the modern mind to unlock. But it is biblical to the core: "He must increase, and I must decrease." (John 3:30) Like John the Baptist, Therese evangelizes in her own little way. What is yours?